When you find yourself in a committed, mutually beneficial
partnership, it’s probably not a good sign when your better half is on a
cross-country trip to find your successor. No, Tony Sparano really had no shot
to survive. Stephen Ross had a wandering eye, and it was going to take more
than hush money for everyone to forget about his fling with Jim Harbaugh.
It’s not really about what Sparano is; it’s about what he
isn’t.
Ross always wanted someone with more sex appeal, more personality,
etc.
If Sparano was too blasé, you’d imagine Ross would pursue
someone who has more riverboat gambler in him.
Shit, Mike Martz will probably be
available in a few weeks. Before someone gets the wrong idea—nothing would
surprise me—it’s time to honor Mr. Sparano, who, I’d imagine, will not be the
next head coach of the University
of Alabama
ANYWAY, today, we salute you, Tony, because Lord knows the
next Dolphins head coach won’t…
1)
Fist-pump for field goals
2)
Wear sunglasses inside
3)
Say “you know” in every sentence, at every press
conference. It’s alright, Tony, I have the same conversational tick. Ya know?
4)
Wear a fleece in September.
5)
Trust Jeff Ireland.
6)
Take a knee—or three—with 1:45 remaining in the
second quarter.
7)
Be so damn conservative—unless it’s Bill Cowher.
Nothing really screams ‘conservatism’ like Cowher’s jaw; they cut diamonds on
that thing.
8)
Micromanage.
9) Clap…clap…clap
10)
Install an offense named after a sassy feline.
11)
Start four centers in four years.
No comments:
Post a Comment